I’m questioning my capacity to be dedicated to the things I know improve my life. In Clarity speak dedication is demonstrated by my willingness to commit to and participate fully to a choice.

One year ago I committed to a choice to use daily all the Clarity tools and processes to keep me energetically focused on positive thoughts and behaviors. Looking back a year later I give myself a B- on my dedication to that choice.

Last summer during a solitude retreat I recommitted to exercising one hour per day because I know from experience that amount of exercise keeps me energized, mobile and flexibly alive. I give myself a C- on my dedication to that choice.

Up until now (see last week’s blog, Up Until Now), I have historically had a problem with any sort of discipline, especially self-discipline. However, this really doesn’t answer the question of what prevents me from sustaining the dedication to beneficial things I enjoy doing.

Cathy and I recently attended a lecture by Caroline Myss. She’s written several books, including Sacred Contracts, Awakening Your Divine Potential. She says that we all have several archetypes that influence our thoughts and behaviors. She also said that the truth is most of us don’t want to do the work to heal and grow. (Was she talking just to me?) That unless we understand the archetypes that influence us, we can’t get past our ego that prevents growth and expansion.

One of my archetypes is what Myss calls the Saboteur. This matches what Clarity calls one of my shadow (negative) behaviors – sabotaging. Myss says the Saboteur induces self-destructive behavior. On the other hand, it’s positive side sees the need for self-improvement and the changes it will bring to my life so that I can consciously make better decisions.

And, I still wonder what will I do to change my not fully effective approach.

Two things come to mind. One, celebrate the positive things I did accomplish instead of focusing on what I didn’t accomplish. While I didn’t do the level of positive focus I wanted every day, I was more focused than I’ve ever been before. I write a weekly blog that keeps me thinking about all of this. The examination and writing helps me remain more conscious, more positive. Bottom line – I have felt more positively energized in the past year.

Although my chest is beginning to look like a sunken ski slope above my belly, and my arm muscles seem to flop back and forth in a strong breeze, I did walk 30 minutes almost every day. I celebrate what I did accomplish.

The second thing is to double down and recommit to a deeper dedication to following a more effective exercise routine, and recommit to my daily thought changing rituals. I will set my intention, put reminders on my calendar, and just keep focused while letting my saboteur babble on. Next week see my rededicated approach.

Working to shift the sabotaging babble,