I remember playing the Telephone Game in grade school, where a message would be passed along by whisper. The message heard by the last person was radically different than the original.
Recently, I observed the Telephone Game converted into an Adult Gossip Machine on Steroids. I watched as rumors, half-truths, and inaccurate “facts” spread through an organization like lava flowing down a mountain. Each time the “lava” found a receptive ear, the ear became enflamed, and then the heat quickly moved to enflame another ear.
Within a couple of days, the gossip morphed, grew several separate tentacles, becoming a multifaceted transformer of pure, exaggerated gossip that hurt and confused many people unnecessarily.
As I observed this phenomenon unfold, my Facebook newsfeed introduced me to the old European folktale about how pulling back the words spoken in gossip is like trying to find feathers that have blown away in the wind. I take this as a sign that I’m to write about gossip.
Gossip is so, so juicy. Of course, we want to hear about it and stay informed. And, part of being in the know is passing it on. Or, better yet, starting it. We also want to be good storytellers. We want to both entertain and inform our listeners. So, a little embellishment, even if it’s fed mainly by our fears or opinions, doesn’t impact the fundamental truth of the story. Plus, it’s so juicy.
When I first heard the above “news,” it was already morphing. My initial reaction was one of sadness and anger, and then I asked a question. It turned out that there was still some basic factual information that wasn’t following the story. Within a day or so, more facts arrived, and as you might expect, it was more of a mountain out of a molehill story. But the feathers are still out there.
It could have all been stopped if the origin of the story had been fact-checked closer to the incident with the actual people involved. The story would then have been one built on direct feedback and observation.
Gossip is often delayed, indirect, and conveyed behind the back, relaying information obtained through opinion and interpretation. The results of gossip create problems and defensiveness. Immediate and direct feedback builds trust and improves performance because it is given face-to-face and relays information obtained through observation.
If you like the dramatic role of being a Gossip Transformer, keep passing the gossip juice and watch your audience lap it up. On the other hand, if you prefer to be an effective team member, get curious, ask questions, trust only what you learn through direct feedback, and refuse to play the whisper game.
In gratitude that my hearing aids can’t hear whispers,
Gary
